i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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