I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
