I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
