I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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