I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
