Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
