i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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