Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She even gives head with a lisp.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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