nutella sex= disaster
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
