of course. lets lasso hookers.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
