If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
