Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
