I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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