How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
