You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
