every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
