Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Bring me that man meat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
