I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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