I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
