and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have demons in me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize