You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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