Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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