i already hear my dad disowning me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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