just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
