those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
