even my farts smell like vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
