U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want to have your abortion
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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