My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you have feelings for this penis?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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