I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize