i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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