Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
