An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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