thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
