I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize