i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
