The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
