Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
