dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
