Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
