Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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