Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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