I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
