Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
