Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My bed smells like the plague
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
