She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize