I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
