I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
