She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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