Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
