She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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