Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
