Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
