Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
