will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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