I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
