I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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