i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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