You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
