My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
