the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
