I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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