I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
