Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
