You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
