Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
soo... how was my night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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