Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
