Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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