too bad you live with your parents still
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize