roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
