I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
