well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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