I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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