I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
