Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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