is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
