im drinking this country out of the recession.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
