dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
