Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just had sex bonerless
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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