its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
