you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
