Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
