I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
