Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
