dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
