Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
