Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
