that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
