I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
