Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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