Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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