The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
