that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My balls are so social today.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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