I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
