champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
