Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
