Small penises have feelings too.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
two words...techno handjob
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
