Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
