Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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