It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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