I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
