I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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