i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I die, sorry about rent.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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