it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
