WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
