I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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