Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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