He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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