i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
