yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
