i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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