Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
