Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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