It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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